Light Bulbs:

How many horse riders will it take to change a light bulb?

Western Pleasure Rider:
Oh, my, someone fix this light bulb! I need light so that my silver and sequins can sparkle in their best shine and that all the head lights on Old Peanut's head and let his nose appear so smooth and glittering... And oh, my diamond ear rings must glisten in the light... and you know... well... someone should repair it. Oh maybe you with no silver on your saddle, obviously you cannot ride, you can repair it.

Dressage Queen:
A light bulb replacement? Are you kidding? You surely cannot expect me to play such a subordinate role. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you have finished.

Classical Dressage Queen:
You must not rush these things, you have to slowly approach this, with great patience while respecting the principles of the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not reach full potential but stay in the shadow of its own self for ever. Never use any kind of equipment, when you change the light bulb. That is an offence to the principles of classical light bulb replacement.

Versatility Rider:
Coward! As soon as my arm which I broke taking a fall off the big stone wall in the “Hell Bent for Leather” championship is out of the cast, I will repair it. Till then cope with the darkness. And then only dressage riders need light.

Distance Rider:
Light bulb? I’m just trying to reduce the pulse/breathing/hydration points of my horse to respectable values. W I have achieved this, I have to ride another 50 miles, before I can even think about changing a light bulb.

Horse Jumping Rider
Why on earth should I have to replace a light bulb? The whole world knows that the sun is shining on my butt. So when I go over a jump, the audience practically goes blind.

Natural Horseman
You have to ask for respect from the light bulb, so that it accepts you as the alpha light bulb, by using “light bulb dynamics” (video available for 179 dollars on my website). After you have done this, you will notice, that there is really no necessity to replace the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb with a little flattery from your side (use the patented light bulb flatterer designed by me – 99 cent per piece, for 49.99 dollars more you get the introductory video draft) will behave as all good old light bulbs should do.

Icelandic Horse Rider
Light bulb? I do not need any. I’m wearing my light vest! 

Hunter Rider
Well, I’m waiting for my trainer, who will tell me how exactly this is done. But he is somewhere else replacing bulbs.

Backyard Horseman
Do I always have to do everything? Oh yes, I have to, don’t I? I will do it as soon as I have mucked out the stables, cleaned and filled the water buckets, stacked the hay, prepared the evening fodder, washed my equipment, cleared out the paddock, brushed and worked with the horses, ...

How many horses does it take to change a light bulb?

 

Thoroughbred

What ME? WHAT should I do? I’m afraid of light bulbs! I’m gone!

 

Arab

Someone else do this. It could make my silky mane dirty and who will read the instructions to me?

Quarter

Put all the light bulbs in my paddock and tell me which one you want.

 

Trotting Racehorse

For Pete’s sake, give me the damned light bulb and let it be over with.

 

Shetland

Give it to me. I will kill it and we do no longer have to care about it.

 

Friesean

I would do I, but I cannot see where I am going, behind my mane.

 

Belgian

Put the Shetland on my back, perhaps we can reach it that way.

 

Warmblood

Is the instruction of the second level in English? Does not anybody notice that I was sold for 75.000 dollars as a yealing? But only because my joints are bad, otherwise I would be worth 100.000 dollars! I do replace light bulbs! Get the thoroughbred back and make him do it.

 

Icelandic Horse

I’ll kick them all out! No need to change them. With a storm like this it is dark anyway on our island.

 

Morgan

Me! Me! ME! Please let me do it! I want to do it! I will do it! I know how to do it, really I do! Look! My probation officer says, this is really OK! And when we have finished, we can go to the neighbours’ and chase their cats!

 

Appaloosa

You are all a bunch of losers. We do not need to replace the light bulb, I’m not afraid of the dark. And someone stop this damned Morgan from jumping up and down, before I punch him on the nose.

 

Haflinger

The thing I just ate was a light bulb?